I am a 43-year old virgin, and still live at home with my mother, who I affectionately call "Mutti". Mutti calls me "Pickles". Apart from listening to music, my favourite activity is painting Mutti’s toenails.

I am prone to regular fits of pique, but Mutti is usually able to calm me down by singing "Hush Little Baby" and letting me rub her feet. If I haven’t had one of my "episodes" all day, Mutti will let me eat Ben & Jerry’s "Fossil Fuel " icecream straight out of the tub – provided I have finished all the vegetables on my plate. I’m able to escape Mutti’s vegetable fascism by waiting for her to doze off and then scraping the vegetables under her bed. Take that Mutti!